you mean joke not rant losing your marbles in your early age mr Skilbeck?

Just brought the old thread back from the dead : )
Fire away people <3

this is the original though : )
what was the point in a new one? <3

lack of people being able to use the search function.

A baby seal walked into a club.

I'm thinking about getting married. I looked up the word "engaged" in the dictionary. It said, "To do battle with the enemy." I then looked up mother-in-law. It said, "See "engaged"."

An archaeologist is exploring some ancient ruins when he accidentally triggers a trap. All exits to the room seal shut suddenly before he can escape, and the ceiling starts to decend. Fortunately, he was always prepared for these kinds of situations.

He whipped out his pick axe (which he had with him) and started to hack away at one of the walls which he remembered being thinner than the others in a map he had seen (but did not have with him, naturally).

He hacked away at the wall franticly and appeared to be making good progress. With only moments to spare...

Ah, MJ jokes, good fun ^^

RIP

How do you make Lady GaGa cry?

Rest In Plastic

This amused me.

So a a priest, a doctor, a crazy person, a prostitute, a thug, a captain, pilot,his wife and an engineer all find themselves on a ship

I am afraid I do not understand this one.

Then you need to watch Firefly.

Metapod is a humorous pokemon.
I battled a friend who nicknamed his Metapod Penis.
Dragonite used Dragon Dance.
Penis used Harden.
I asked my friend if his Metapod knew String Shot.

how do you get pikachu on a bus?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

pokemon

Ohhhhh dear

Rite, heres a gud one!!

Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie". Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000 quid.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front. The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the quid as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Sainsburys. There, he surprised her in the produce department,and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath, and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:

"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT SAINSBURYS."

xD

Thats terrible!

oh dear..